Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice, make $1.2 billion. Now, Michael Bay is back with his ultimate weapon after a three year break and there is no way to really to describe it other than to say it is a puerile piece of absolute garbage with one sole positive factor.
Normally, this is the part of my reviews where I give a brief outline of the plot without giving away any spoilers. But frankly, there is way too much going on for me too sum it up and I couldn't really find any cohesive plot whatsoever. Basically, all I can really say is an inventor played by Mark Wahlberg buys an old rusted out truck which turns out to be Optimus Prime. Then the government gets involved.
It's gonna be difficult for me to take do this seriously, as I already know several jokes I am going to tell when I film my show "Flick Check with Andrew Woltman" (Shameless self promotion). But since this is my written platform, i'm going to trying being a little more objective than that.
I will credit it for giving the robots a little more personality then they had in the previous films. They aren't completely generic and flat as they were. But they're still crude semblances of what giant robots should be. The humor is bland, one-note and juvenile.
I'm sure there is a plot, but there is no strength or way to tie it together. The best way to sum it up is that the movie is like watching a friend play a single player video game. It's someone else playing small missions that seem like they could be fun, but you never really get a chance to because things pop up and disappear so flippantly. It's stretched so enormously thin that it's exhausting. The action is generic and overly bombastic, that even someone like Michael Bay seems to be losing touch of the one thing he loves and does right.
And it's way too long, and it has absolutely no reason to be.
The acting in this movie is enormously sub par and flat. Once again Michael Bay has decided to cast a respected actor in a comedy relief role that undermines him and makes me lose confidence. Alas Stanley Tucci, I knew thee well. The actors and actresses have such hollow and wooden delivery.
Now this brings us to two points.
1) Mark Wahlberg. A superb actor. Enjoyable to watch here. Horribly miscast. He doesn't really fit the premise of a scientific inventor. He is just not really what springs to mind when you think of a struggling scientist.
2) The only person actually performing well, and the ONLY good aspect of the film. Kelsey Grammer as the antagonistic Harold Attinger. We've seen Kelsey do comedy for 20 years as Dr. Frasier Crane, but he has a deep ferocity that reared its head as Tom Kane on Showtime's Boss. He is dark, determined, and cunning. It's easily the closest thing to acting in this movie, and Kelsey gets to leave with dignity.
To close, this was an absolutely awful movie, and easily the worst of 2014 to date. The SOLE redemption is the performance of Kelsey Grammar.
D
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