"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" Review

I don't think I've ever seen a movie with as much pre-release judgement towards it as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Mainly due to the involvement of producer Michael Bay and his controversial preproduction plans. I can't say I've ever been more than a casual viewer of the Turtles franchise, so I never really had any sort of outrage. I'd seen the earlier films, I watched the cartoons as a kid, so I had a fleeting knowledge of the source material. But I really had no idea what to expect going in. 

As part of an experiment, four box turtles and a rat have mutated into human sized ninjas. They hide under the streets of New York secretly fighting the villainous foot clan, until reporter April O'Neill spots them and wants to expose them to the world. 

There is a lot wrong with this movie, but I find it best to start with what they got right. As opposed to the Transformers series, the main creatures have distinct personalities and are actually enjoyable to watch. They really nailed it here. They're witty, athletic, dynamic. They steal pretty much every scene they are in. It's a lot of fun to see these Turtles come to the surface and liven up an otherwise listless and dull movie. Which brings me to the debit section.

For a Ninja Turtles movie, they take their sweet time building up the reveal of the turtles. And it's really not for any reason. It's not as though we are going to be surprised that the secret vigilantes are turtles. It's in the title. You're not hiding anything. 

And there is far too much emphasis on the humans. This takes the sole issue I had with Godzilla and pours salt in the wound to make it worse. We are treated to a dull story about how April O'Neill is somehow connected to the origins of the Turtles and how everyone wants to manipulate that fact. What would have been nice is to have gotten the actual turtles more involved.

Further, we find an extreme lack of depth. This update to the Foot Clan as somewhat of a terrorist organization could have been a lot more interesting if they actually had some kind of intention or motive. Or one that didn't sound so cliche when you actually find it out. This is a surface movie with a hollow shell. (Pun intended). In addition, this movie is highly unoriginal with some of the hammiest dialogue and predictable plot points. The cliches come after another like one of Shredder's blades. 

Megan Fox has potential, but she really doesn't have talent. She is flat, wooden and working for a paycheck. If she had a little more dimension to her, I wouldn't have minded the human focus as much. Next time, try Emma Stone. She's talented and a red head. Two things that April O'Neill needs. 

The only other saving grace is Will Arnett, who I have always been a fan of. In a movie that really sucks the fun out of the Turtleverse, at least Will adds to what little there is. He's great comic relief that doesn't shove itself down your throat. (And if you pick up on the Arrested Development reference, let me know. I laughed hysterically.)

To sum it up, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is more appropriately labelled recycling than garbage, It's a rehash of a lot we've seen before, which needs 50% more Turtles. 

D

POST-RELEASE "Guardians of the Galaxy" Review

If you're one of my regulars, you'll know that weeks ago I was fortunate to see a preview of footage from this film. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment that Marvel chose to screen. It was funny, yet clever with a bold mix of action and humor. I loved it. So now that I have finally seen the entire film, has my opinion changed? 

Guardians of the Galaxy revolves around a gang of misfits who are trying to rid themselves of a mysterious orb whilst running from both the Nova Corps and Ronan the Accuser. The Guardians are Star Lord, Gamora, Rocket Raccoon, Drax the Destroyer, and Groot. 

Luckily, the blended mix of humor and action extended beyond the 17 minutes that was previously screened for me. It's incredibly witty and quirky with an incredibly adventurous spirit. Much like the world of Star Wars, we are thrust into this environment knowing practically nothing about how their systems work and we are led in with very little exposition. We become immersed and respected because we are beginning a journey that doesn't spoon feed us with backstory. It's so much fun to try to pick everything up along the way. 

James Gunn's style creates such a unique experience for a Marvel movie. It is almost Quentin Tarantino like in the manner of conversational revelations and dialogue driven scenes. It leads us to greater discoveries and understandings of the characters and their worlds. Tonally, it feels like the best parts of Star Wars, Star Trek, and Indiana Jones mixed together with surreal humor that never feels drastically out of place. 

Acting wise, we have a large ensemble that gets their fair share of time, but there are a lot of gems that stand out especially. 

This is the first time someone has been cast as a main superhero and I already was familiar with their work. I greatly admire the work of Chris Pratt. I've watched him and adored his work in Parks and Recreation, Moneyball, The Lego Movie, and he was the sole saving grace of the movie Delivery Man. In this movie, he is at his best. He has the charisma of Captain Kirk and the spirit of Han Solo. He holds no barred when he comes barging through on his mission. He is funny when he needs to be but always feels so strong. 

I was always skeptical of Bradley Cooper as Rocket Raccoon, but like i've said before, I've come around. He can crack wise, but he's also a full member of the team. The only way the movie could have worked is if they didn't use Rocket as gag, and I personally thank Cooper and Gunn for treating him with the respect the character deserves. 

What surprised me the most was the performance of Dave Bautista as Drax the Destroyer. Given that he has done little to no acting prior to this led me to believe that he was cast simply due to his past as a wrestler and MMA fighter. But he is actually extremely soulful and he gives a strong contribution with his performance. He's very much the straight man, but he's the straight man for which you are empathetic. 

All around, this movie is magnificent. I loved every moment, and I especially appreciated the post credits scene. I am happy to say that the grade has not changed. 

A