There is only one time in my entire life that I found a movie so awful, I felt the need to leave the theater before it was over. That movie was M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender. It was so terrible, it doesn't even deserve a review. I haven't been tempted to walk out of a movie since...until I saw Delivery Man.
Delivery Man is about middle aged slacker David Wozniak who discovers that a result of a sperm donation he made 23 years before, he is the biological father of 533 children. When 184 of them attempt to sue for his identity to be revealed, David reevaluates his life and tries to better himself.
I didn't walk out of the movie, but I have never been so sorely tempted. The film has no idea if it's trying to present itself as a comedy or as a drama. And in both respects, it fails. It's too dull and boring to be considered a comedy, and too silly to be considered a drama. Based off a 2011 Canadian movie named Starbuck, it has a very promising premise. You could imagine the millions of jokes that could have been made about someone with hundreds of children.
However, the writers have chosen to sprinkle a manufactured emotional bond. It tries to create heartwarming, tender moments that feel out of place in a Vince Vaughn comedy. To be sure, there are one or two moments that are undeniably touching, but otherwise, the intended response of sympathy and warm feelings is just too fake and thrown in.
Vince Vaughn can be funny when he wants to, but in this movie he is just flat out boring. He has no clear investment in his character which gives us any reason to find him interesting. He's just rehashing his old, slacker routine he's done so many times before, and this time he's just going through the motions. Vince Vaughn, get your act together.
Cobie Smulders does well as our female lead, and she actually creates an interesting character with issues that could have made this film more approachable. But she is shoved to the side, and given little to no development. Had they chosen to give her just 5 more minutes of screen time, the film would benefit from having a tangible plot thread to explore.
Andrew's Standout and the ONLY reason I didn't walk out of the theater was the performance of Chris Pratt. Our goofy, lovable Andy Dwyer from Parks and Recreation gets his hands on new ground to conquer. He plays an out-of-shape lawyer/father of four who tries to help David through his unique situation. He gets the few laughs in this movie, his dramatic tensions are the most compelling and he plays his lawyer with a sense of camaraderie and compassion for his best friend. Chris Pratt is easily one of the best up and comers in the business right now, and I anxiously anticipate his turn as Star-Lord in Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy.
Skip this movie. If anything, watch it on cable in two years. It's too serious to be a comedy, and too silly to be a drama.
D
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